kindness – Living de Good Life

Viewpoint

It’s a fairly well-known fact that how we handle what comes our way in life is largely dependent upon our viewpoint. It affects how we see the past. It also affects how we see the present and the future.

The antique window pictured above is hanging in my living room. I can change the background. Therefore, I can change what I see through my window. For the Christmas holidays, I stapled a holiday scene to the back. But we cannot so easily change our viewpoint on life.

I always get pensive at this time of year. I suppose looking back at the year ending and seeing it with 20/20 vision gives perspective. But, when looking forward to the new year beginning, we can see nothing for certain. We may make resolutions of one kind or another or we may make plans to do something we want or need to do. But the truth is that we don’t know what lies ahead. What is also true is that we have no control over what lies ahead!

Looking Back

There is no doubt that this has been a tough year for many, including me, my family and many people that I know and love. I think back to when the year began and all the hope that we held for a better year than 2020 had proven to be. However, that’s not exactly how it seemed to go in many cases.

Many people have had tragic losses this year. Some losses were due to catastrophic weather events or devastating illness. Some losses were the unexpected deaths of loved ones. And still other losses were the emotional kind – hidden so that other people can’t see. How we navigate the hard things about 2021 depends on our viewpoint: what we see through our “window”.

Looking Forward

So how do we navigate an unknown 2022? How do we process the losses we have endured in 2021? How do we incorporate the lessons learned from the past into our daily living of the present and the future? I suppose it will be different for each person. Here are some of the ways I will incorporate a positive viewpoint into my life.

Walk with Jesus

First, I have already begun to be more deliberate in walking with Jesus. It’s so easy to put my focus on the problems and worries around me. But I have found that if I can carve out a regular time each day, preferably in the morning, to spend with Him in prayer and reading His Word, it affects my “window”. It allows me to begin my day with the perspective that I am not alone and that He is in control and will walk with me. It puts my mind where it needs to be.

Choose Love

Secondly, as admittedly difficult as it is sometime, I must choose love: love in my thoughts, love in my words, love in my actions and love in my choices. What makes it difficult is that it is so easy to focus on me…what hurts me, what affects me, what’s good for me, etc. It is also easy to focus on others…but not in a good way. Focusing on their faults, their failures to live up to expectations, and their unkind words and choices only derails my viewpoint! But, when I focus on love: showing love to others and saying loving things in a loving tone, it IS good for me and keeps my focus where it should be!

Be Determined

As a person who has dealt with the trappings of perfectionism most of my life, it’s so easy to focus on the details that drive us crazy. But, when we can rise above the messy details and see the big picture, we can make choices that say, “I love you anyway.” I will tell you that it is not easy! I will also tell you that it takes determination. It also takes practice!

Choose Your Viewpoint

Do we have a choice what we will see when we look through our window as I do with my antique window? No, unfortunately, we do not. However, we do have the choice HOW we look through our window! Our viewpoint, whether selfish, critical and frightened or loving, peaceful and hopeful, will determine how what we see affects us!

I have no idea what lies ahead in your 2022, just as I have no idea what lies ahead in mine. I want to live each day making each moment count. My goal is to make sure every person in my life knows how special they are to me. At the end of 2022 I want to look back and know that I didn’t miss opportunities to show love and compassion. I want to know that I showed Jesus’ love to those around me, even to those who are unlovely or unlovable. What will your viewpoint be going forward?

This is a good guideline: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204%3A8&version=ESV. You can’t go wrong if you keep your thoughts on these things!

I wish for you a peaceful and happy 2022! May God bless you!

I’m sure you are aware that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Different people have different thoughts about this day. Some people say “It’s just another Hallmark holiday designed to get you to buy cards and candy.”, but still they participate. Other people get very serious and take the opportunity to show their significant other special love in the form of a card, flowers, candy or a dinner out. Still others feel it is just another day and allow it to pass without much fuss or fanfare. Where do your thoughts fall?

Personally, I would love to have my husband acknowledge it and make me feel special in some way, but that’s just not who he is. I normally don’t get cards for other special days, so I have learned not to expect one on this day either. Oh, yes! At first, I was hurt and disappointed, but as the years have passed, it’s just one of those things I have gotten used to. I do feel kind of jealous when my friends get flowers, candy or jewelry, etc. from their husbands, but I don’t allow myself to dwell on it.

So, what is love? In the Bible, 1 Corinthians chapter thirteen spells out some of the attributes of love: patience, kindness, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not self-seeking, not irritable, not keeping a record of wrongs, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and true love never ends. In other Bible passages, it indicates that humility, seeking peace and looking after the interests of another are also indications of love.

Through the years, I have heard other definitions: “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” (Robert A. Heinlein) And, according to the Urban Dictionary, love is “giving a person the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.” WOW!

I have always been a person who has had high expectations and that personal characteristic has caused my heart to break many times. So, I have learned a couple of things in order to protect my heart: 1) Expect nothing, then anything is a nice surprise; and, 2) Turn it around and instead of focusing on myself, make someone else feel loved.

Other factors that can affect how we give and receive love might be “Where did you learn to love?” or “Who taught you what love is?” I grew up in a loving home with two parents who TO THIS DAY still are “in love” with each other! They will celebrate 65 years of marriage next month and it is obvious to me by how they talk to each other, how they talk about each other and how they treat each other that they are still “in love”! How precious that is!

Not only do they still love each other, they love their four kids, their four kids’ spouses, their eight grandchildren and their six (soon to be seven) great-grandchildren! Often, my mornings are blessed with a message like “Good morning, precious daughter” from my dad or “Good morning, sweetie” from my mom!

I grew up watching my mom exhibit her love to her family by DOING…cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. You know what I mean! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Now, as a mama and nana, I find myself showing love in some of the same ways! We definitely learn what love is and how to express it by watching those we grew up with.

However, in the same way, I have friends who didn’t grow up with this kind of demonstrative love and they have struggled to find their own way of expressing love…what it is and what it isn’t. Their love is no less genuine or heart-felt, I think they have just had to learn how to express it without the guidance of those people in their early lives.

So, what says love to you? Here are some of the things that say “love” to me, in no particular order:

use words and tell me that you love me and that I’m important to you.;
be kind to me, and not just on a particular day;
be interested in my day…ask me!
surprise me with something nice once in a while, and it doesn’t have to be big or expensive!
be happy to see me
look into my eyes
be deliberate about engaging with me
do something with me: take a walk, window shop, go get coffee, watch a movie, etc.
miss me when you don’t see me and tell me so
hug me
be deliberate about spending some time with me
give grace to me
maybe DON’T say everything that comes into your mind
forgive my mistakes

So, if these things feel like love to me, can I use any of these things to make someone else feel loved? Or, better yet, you know your special someone: what would say “love” to them? For some people, it’s having a day to themselves to do what they want to do. Now me? That’s not EVER what I would choose. On my special days, I want to be surrounded by those people that I love. But, you get where I am going with this. Take the focus off of yourself and focus on making someone ELSE feel special!

Take the chance to grow! Don’t wait for someone to hurt and disappoint you. Flex your “love muscles” and do something nice for someone else; help someone else feel loved and important! I guarantee you it will warm your heart as well as the recipient of your loving actions! And, it will take your mind off of what is or isn’t being done for you!

Have a great day and week and MAKE IT a Happy Valentine’s Day for yourself and someone you love!

Tag: kindness

Through What Window are You Looking?