It’s a fairly well-known fact that how we handle what comes our way in life is largely dependent upon our viewpoint. It affects how we see the past. It also affects how we see the present and the future.
The antique window pictured above is hanging in my living room. I can change the background. Therefore, I can change what I see through my window. For the Christmas holidays, I stapled a holiday scene to the back. But we cannot so easily change our viewpoint on life.
I always get pensive at this time of year. I suppose looking back at the year ending and seeing it with 20/20 vision gives perspective. But, when looking forward to the new year beginning, we can see nothing for certain. We may make resolutions of one kind or another or we may make plans to do something we want or need to do. But the truth is that we don’t know what lies ahead. What is also true is that we have no control over what lies ahead!
Looking Back
There is no doubt that this has been a tough year for many, including me, my family and many people that I know and love. I think back to when the year began and all the hope that we held for a better year than 2020 had proven to be. However, that’s not exactly how it seemed to go in many cases.
Many people have had tragic losses this year. Some losses were due to catastrophic weather events or devastating illness. Some losses were the unexpected deaths of loved ones. And still other losses were the emotional kind – hidden so that other people can’t see. How we navigate the hard things about 2021 depends on our viewpoint: what we see through our “window”.
Looking Forward
So how do we navigate an unknown 2022? How do we process the losses we have endured in 2021? How do we incorporate the lessons learned from the past into our daily living of the present and the future? I suppose it will be different for each person. Here are some of the ways I will incorporate a positive viewpoint into my life.
Walk with Jesus
First, I have already begun to be more deliberate in walking with Jesus. It’s so easy to put my focus on the problems and worries around me. But I have found that if I can carve out a regular time each day, preferably in the morning, to spend with Him in prayer and reading His Word, it affects my “window”. It allows me to begin my day with the perspective that I am not alone and that He is in control and will walk with me. It puts my mind where it needs to be.
Choose Love
Secondly, as admittedly difficult as it is sometime, I must choose love: love in my thoughts, love in my words, love in my actions and love in my choices. What makes it difficult is that it is so easy to focus on me…what hurts me, what affects me, what’s good for me, etc. It is also easy to focus on others…but not in a good way. Focusing on their faults, their failures to live up to expectations, and their unkind words and choices only derails my viewpoint! But, when I focus on love: showing love to others and saying loving things in a loving tone, it IS good for me and keeps my focus where it should be!
Be Determined
As a person who has dealt with the trappings of perfectionism most of my life, it’s so easy to focus on the details that drive us crazy. But, when we can rise above the messy details and see the big picture, we can make choices that say, “I love you anyway.” I will tell you that it is not easy! I will also tell you that it takes determination. It also takes practice!
Choose Your Viewpoint
Do we have a choice what we will see when we look through our window as I do with my antique window? No, unfortunately, we do not. However, we do have the choice HOW we look through our window! Our viewpoint, whether selfish, critical and frightened or loving, peaceful and hopeful, will determine how what we see affects us!
I have no idea what lies ahead in your 2022, just as I have no idea what lies ahead in mine. I want to live each day making each moment count. My goal is to make sure every person in my life knows how special they are to me. At the end of 2022 I want to look back and know that I didn’t miss opportunities to show love and compassion. I want to know that I showed Jesus’ love to those around me, even to those who are unlovely or unlovable. What will your viewpoint be going forward?
What is gratitude? Dictionary.com defines gratitude as “the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful”. The quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful. So let’s dive a little deeper. What is a quality? Again quoting dictionary.com: quality is an essential or distinctive characteristic, property or attribute. And by the same token: a feeling is described as the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
So, gratitude is a distinctive characteristic or attribute of thankfulness. It is also a general state of consciousness. So you can have gratitude as a characteristic with which you live your life, or you can feel gratitude as a state of your every day consciousness. Basically, when you combine these two definitions, you encompass both the physical and the emotional sides of yourself. You feel thankful and that translates into a gratuitous outlook. Or, you could look at it another way: You have an gratuitous outlook and it affects how you feel!
Does an Attitude of Gratitude Come Naturally?
Whether you realize it or not, gratitude is worn as a visible inner/outer garment! I don’t know if you like to people watch, but when I have the time and find myself in the right place, I find it interesting to watch people going about their day unaware that they are being watched. For instance, sitting on a bench in the mall, sitting in an airport, or even just sitting in a restaurant having a meal…people watching is fascinating. Have you ever watched people as you are stopped at a traffic light and looked over into the car next to you or those turning across from you? You can probably point out the people who have gratitude as a conscious state of their being. You can also probably point out those who don’t!
Think about yourself. How often do you feel grateful? Or do you find it easier to say “the glass is half empty”? I think for some people, gratitude DOES come naturally. Perhaps they have had an easy life (would that make you grateful?) or maybe they’ve had a difficult way to go (would that make you more grateful?). Are “you” more prone to be grateful if you have been abundantly blessed, or if your blessings have been more sparse, from your point of view?
How To Develop an Attitude of Gratitude in Your Life
There have been seasons of my life where it was difficult to remember to cultivate gratitude. Perhaps you have felt the same way. And then, there are seasons when despite trouble, you can find the blessings for which you can be grateful. I believe there are some exercises you can do on a daily basis that will help you to develop gratitude.
1. Make a Gratitude/Blessings List Each Day
One way I have found to help me focus on being thankful is to list the the blessings in my life. I think it’s a good practice to do this each day because over time, you will have a much more comprehensive list. For instance, today, I may feel gratitude for specific things related to TODAY. Tomorrow, other blessings may be more in the forefront of my mind.
2. Let Your Mind Dwell on the Good Things
We all have good and bad in our lives. There will always be positive and negative people to deal with. There will always be days of rain and days of sunshine…days of winter and days of summer. But just as the verse in Philippians 4:8 states, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy– think about such things.” Wherever we allow our mind to dwell, affects our ability to be thankful or bitter.
3. Do Something Kind for Someone Else
It is so much easier to be thankful if we get our minds off our ourselves and find a way to bless someone else. I’m not talking about pity. I am just talking about realizing that in some way, we have all been blessed, and by spreading that blessing around to others, it in someway, enhances that blessing in our own hearts and lives.
When we focus on ourselves, our woes, our needs and what makes us gloomy, not only does it negatively affect those around us, it prevents us from experiencing gratitude for our blessings. You may say “I have nothing to be grateful for.” However, if you think about–truly think about it in front of a piece of paper with a pen in your hand, you will find things for which to be grateful!
4. Teach Others to Have an Attitude of Gratitude
You can teach gratitude to yourself, your children and other people in your life! “How?” you might ask! A Gratitude Jar (or Blessings Jar) is a great way to incorporate gratitude into your heart, life and home!
What is a “Gratitude Jar”? It’s easy to make and it can and probably should involve the whole family! Take a mason jar of any size and decorate it with a label made from construction paper and markers. You can be as creative as you want to be! This is a great way to involve your children.
When the label is made, tape it on the outside of the jar. Leave the jar in a prominent place so that it doesn’t get forgotten. Then, as you find things to be thankful for, write them down (or small children can draw pictures) and put them inside the jar. You can even date them, if you’d like.
At some designated time in the future, whether it is a week, a month or a year from now, sit down and go through each paper in the jar, one by one, read it, and reminisce about each blessing. I think you will find that as you get in the habit of contributing papers of gratitude to the jar, your heart will be learning to be grateful.
All Good Gifts Come From Above
I believe that all good gifts come from God. When I focus on His blessings each day in my life, it draws me into a closer relationship with Him and reminds me how much He loves me! Gratitude is a powerful thing!
Do You Have an Attitude of Gratitude? It’s Your Choice!
What will you do with what you’ve read today? Take steps to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, showing gratitude for your blessings and reap the benefits? Or, perhaps you will just proceed through life as you always have and forget about this article as well as your blessings! It’s definitely your choice. What will you choose? As for me? I choose Gratitude!
“The just shall live by faith.” “For we walk by faith, not sight.” “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” “And without faith it is impossible to please him.” “So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.”
“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things we cannot see.” This biblical definition of faith is found in Hebrews 11:1.
Faith, according to dictionary.com, is: “confidence or trust in a person or thing; belief that is not based on proof.”
I have been a believer for many, many years, based on having asked Jesus to forgive my sins and asking Him to be my Savior and Leader. Faith comes in believing that if you repent and ask for forgiveness, He grants forgiveness (1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”). But, is that enough? Is that all there is?
Truly living the life of a believer is living in faith and trust of the One who has forgiven you. That first step of faith is all-important, but it is just THE FIRST STEP! You must then learn to trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”).
TRUST HIM! Well, if I am trusting Him to save me from Hell and take me to Heaven, that’s a BIG trust, right? Yes, but sometimes we find it more difficult to trust in the day-t0-day things that we encounter than in our eternal destination. Why is that?
Can I trust Him when people in my life disappoint me? Can I trust Him when I am afraid? Can I trust Him when I get bad news? Can I trust Him with my earthly future? “Just have faith”, they say. I say, “it is not that easy”, even though it should be.
We must learn to trust Him with the daily things. How do we do that? Well, I am going to share with you what I am learning, so come along on my journey!
Proverbs 3:5-6 is pretty clear when it says “Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart.” Trusting with all your heart leaves no room for doubt. When you sit on your dining room chair, do you have any doubt at all that it will not collapse? When you go out to start your car, do you have any doubt that when you put the key into the ignition and turn, that it will start? This NO DOUBTING is what this means. ALL YOUR HEART!
Then, there is the go-with phrase “and do not lean on your own understanding”. This is a tough one for me. I am an analyzer. I am a thinker and I like to think that I am reasonably intelligent. But, the Lord has been showing me in recent days and weeks that I cannot trust my own understanding. This is really a difficult lesson for me. But you see, if I trust my own understanding, that means I am not trusting God with my WHOLE heart! Deductively, if I trust God with ALL my heart, that doesn’t leave room for trusting anything or anyone else and it definitely doesn’t leave room for fear or the “what ifs”.
So, I began looking back at my life…years of looking back. I see two basic avenues: He has been faithful and good to me; and, many, many times I have been anything but faithful. He has been faithful when I wasn’t faithful. He has blessed me even though I didn’t deserve blessing. And the trouble in my life has largely been brought on by the times that I “leaned on my own understanding”.
So, if these are the two choices: Trust Him with ALL my heart, OR, lean on my own understanding…and I don’t want history to repeat itself, I will NOT lean on my own understanding, right? So let’s look at the day-to-day issues. We all have areas of our life that make us wonder what God is doing. We want to see the future. We want to see that it all turns out o.k. But, look back at the biblical definition as well as the dictionary.com definition: what is the common theme? Faith is having confidence in what we hope for without sight and not based on proof. There is no fear in confidence.
Dwelling on fear and the “what ifs” is a detriment to a life of faith (I am currently working on a post about the “what ifs”). It is impossible to say you trust God if you are concerning yourself about the “what ifs”. Remember, your WHOLE HEART!
My best advice to you is to make two lists: first, remembrances of God’s faithfulness to you in the past. There are several times in the Old Testament that God’s people set up “altars of remembrance” so that they could remind themselves and their children of God’s faithfulness.
Philippians 4:8-9 says “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” The second list is truths from God’s Word. A list of Who and what is TRUE, HONEST, JUST, PURE, LOVELY, of GOOD REPORT, VIRTUOUS, and PRAISEWORTHY will crowd out any room for doubt and worry!
Preparing both of these lists will take time, but it will be time well spent and an investment into your faith journey and your mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. I am going to commit to sit down and write down my own “altar of remembrances”. This will be a list that when I am struggling, I can go to and remind myself of the times in my life that He has been faithful, even though I didn’t know at the time what He was doing.
Secondly, I am going to sit down and make a list of Truths on which to meditate…mostly about the Truth of Who God is. These lists will be readily available to me when I need to fill my mind with truth and to crowd out the doubt and fear and the “what ifs”.
In closing, I leave you this: He is the One Who knows the future. I can’t see even one moment ahead of the one I am presently living. Doesn’t it make sense to trust the One Who is already there and knows what it holds? Doesn’t it make sense to fill our minds with Truth and crowd out the fear and the “what-ifs”?
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I use this photo as a real life example of the contrast of death of a dream and the beauty of the small gifts in life.
We all deal with disappointments in life. Sometimes it feels like some of us have to deal with more disappointment than others. There are many things that can disappoint us. Our lives might not be turning out how we had envisioned they would. Perhaps, a devastating blow comes out of nowhere, like the loss of love, job or another sudden loss. But, I believe there is one truth about disappointments that we all share: How we view life’s disappointments will determine how we recover.
This post is kind of an “aside” to my previous post “Death of a Dream” Parts 1 and 2 and yet it is also a continuation. Death of a dream is one cause of disappointment, as it has been in my case. However, there truly are many causes of disappointment, some of which I have named above, but I know there are probably as many causes as there are people out there!
But, whatever the cause, disappointment left unchecked can lead to sadness, depression and despair. However, disappointment can also spur you on to a new vision, a new plan, and a new hope. It’s all in how you see it and your determination not to live there.
Now I know that some disappointments are much more difficult to deal with than others. The disappointment that led me to write my “Death of a Dream” posts was devastating and life-altering to me. It caused me much pain, many tears, and a feeling of hopelessness.
The sunset, depicting the end of one day…with the hope of a new day just hours away.
Thankfully, that sadness and hopelessness has worked its way into the ability to see and develop a different dream, or many dreams. One way that happened for me was to take the advice of someone very near and dear to me. In general terms, their advice was to accept what is and not expect anything more than what is. For instance: a dog will always act like a dog and never like a bird; a cow will not act like a horse, and a bull will never act like a kitty cat. So, I had to see my situation for what it was and learn to accept what was.
This was not an easy task. The dreams of “what could be” will linger as long as you give them life. When I determined that the dream of whatcould bewas truly dead, it then freed me up to accept what is and to make a new dream based on that reality. I suppose that is survival mode kicking in?
There has been a running joke with some people who know me. My blood type happens to be B+…and it has been the joke how perfect that is because I have a “be positive” personality…most of the time. However, when my dream of what could be died, I felt no positivity…only sadness and disappointment.
But, being who I am, I could not live there. First, I am a daughter of the King of Kings and I believe in His sovereignty. This means that I believe He loves me and that He has a plan for me. His Word tells me that He will work all things together for my good and for His glory (Romans 8:28). So, when disappointment comes…and it will, I am human and must process it with my human emotions. However, my human emotions are not the last word.
I believe that if my God allows something in my life, even if I don’t know the purpose for it, I must trust Him. I must believe that He knows what He is doing. I can’t, as a mere human, see all that He is working on and I have to leave “being God” to God!
So, how do I do this? First, I fill my mind with Truth that reminds me that this was allowed into my life for some reason. It is what it is and so I must now find a way to move on. That “moving on” can take a short amount of time, or it can take a very long amount of time. But, my mind is key to my recovery. Philippians 4:8 puts it like this: “...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think on these things.”
Sunrise…the hope of a new day has dawned…however, what will be is still a bit foggy…
Once my mind has settled on the fact of what is…I now move to the “what can be” stage. In my situation, the death of one of my dreams was quite devastating to me, but as the weeks and months have passed, I have found a new way to live without that particular dream. It has freed me up so much to see little things as blessings….little individual dreams, if you want to see it that way.
Another much lesser example has happened this week. Besides being a writer at heart, I am also a photographer. Perhaps this is because I would describe myself as a visual person. Anyway, I often give photographic gifts to those I love.
I had a particular gift in mind and in order to make that gift I needed to locate some pictures I had taken in 2012 (not only 8 yeas ago but 3 computers ago!). I have searched through every device I have looking for these six photographs. Today, I finally had to come to the realization that I was not going to find them. So, now what?
I decided that I will just have to go to the places I took the original photographs and retake them…and then I thought, “Who knows? Maybe the new photos will even be better than the originals.” And then, hope dawned! It occurred to me that I could expand on what I had done in the past and even perhaps this could turn into a project that others might like to own as well! Amazing! Now instead of thinking of the drudgery of having to recreate something I had already created, I am excited at the prospect of creating something MORE than I had originally created!
That’s how HOPE works, at least for me. It’s a strange journey from sadness and despair, past anger, through mourning, to acceptance, and eventually to a new plan with new hope!
I hope in some small way, this post has been an encouragement to you. If it has, please comment below and let me know! That will be an encouragement to me!
It was suggested to me by a friend that perhaps I could chronicle and share my journey through this time. I think I will take her up on that. I’m not sure how it will go, or how many “parts” there will be, but I am certainly willing to share so, if by something I am going through, I am able to help someone else going through something similar.
I don’t mean to imply that the death of my dreams is any more or less important or devastating than the death of your dreams. I just know that writing helps me process and if writing it down helps me, then perhaps it will help someone else, even if all the variables aren’t the same.
So stay tuned… or not. Either way, I will be writing my way through this processing of healing.
The first thing I want to dive into is for me, there are a couple of different types of dreams. As I said in my original post, there are dreams that just plain aren’t going to come true in any form or fashion. Then, there are dreams that won’t come true in the way that I dreamed them, but with some alterations, either in thinking or circumstances, may still resemble my dream.
Depending on which dream is on my heart at the moment demanding the most of my emotional resources at the time, the mourning will look different. For the dreams I’ve dreamed all my life that just aren’t going to come true, either by the fault of my own choices or the fault of another’s choices, the mourning is the deepest pain.
For the dream that must change, whether a little or a lot, but some semblance of that dream can remain, the mourning is different: still very painful, but some part of my brain knows that it’s not a total loss. So when you have the loss of multiple dreams in both these categories, the mourning is truly a mixed bag of emotion and thought processes.
Another aspect that I want to dive into during this introductory phase is truth. I come into this phase of my life with the basic knowledge that 1) God is sovereign; 2) I am not alone; 3) He works all things together for my good and His glory; 4) God’s word is truth; 5) I am loved by my Creator; 6) This world is not my home, so everything I go through while I am here is just temporary.
So, I invite you to come along for the journey. Subscribe, if you’d like, so that you don’t miss the posts. Feel free to comment and if something I say helps you, please feel free to share that, too. It would be an encouragement to me!
I am no different than the rest of you. I had plenty of dreams about what my life would be. Some of those dreams were based on who I was becoming; some of those dreams were based on role models I had; and some of those dreams were just whimsical wishes of a young girl.
Then, LIFE HAPPENS! Sometimes gradually and sometimes suddenly, some of those dreams of what “would/could be” are dashed, slashed and shattered…or at the very least changed in a way so that we barely recognize them. I am no stranger to broken dreams. How we deal with those changes literally makes us or breaks us!
Sometimes the dreams that are shattered can be pieced back together. They may not look like they once did, but nevertheless, they still resemble the dreams we dreamed. Other dreams must be abandoned or traded in for different dreams.
I am currently dealing with the dashing of several dreams. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Some of the dreams I am trying to learn to let go…recognizing that God is literally prying my fingers open that are holding those dreams…some are dreams that I have held most of my life. Some of the dreams I am trying to learn to let go are recent dreams that in part, have come true, but maybe not turning out exactly how I had envisioned or hoped they would.
The first step in dealing with the dashing of my dreams is mourning. I have cried so many tears this week there were times I thought I’d have no more tears to cry. There were times I couldn’t even speak or even think without shedding tears. The verse “Weeping may stay for overnight, but there is joy in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5b CSB) has been rolling over and over in my head…only it’s been more like “joy comes after mourning”. ..hopefully!
The death of a dream…let alone the death of several dreams, as I have experienced this week, is not only deep emotional pain, it is physical pain. And, not only that, it is spiritual pain and it is mental pain.
I have been reminded of the verse in Hebrews where we are told that Jesus says “I will never leave you or forsake (abandon) you”. And 1 Peter 5:6-7 says “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you.” (CSB)
The psalmist’s words “I am weary from my groaning; with my tears I dampen my bed and drench my couch every night. My eyes are swollen from grief; they grow old because of all my enemies — Psalms 6:6-7 (CSB), have definitely described me this week. Who are my enemies? Well, I have found that I can be my own worst enemy. I cling to my dream, to the hurt, and to expectations and have a tendency to protect myself from the one perceived of causing that hurt and loss of dream.
Now today, I think I am beginning to come out of the mourning phase. Does it still hurt to be forced to let go of my dreams? YES!!! Absolutely it still hurts. However, the second step I am experiencing in dealing with the death of my dreams is acceptance.
It has been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Well, I am realizing that in the case of a couple of my dreams, I have done just that! I have continued to fight for and expect specifically one of my dreams to somehow magically materialize even though it has been quite evident for years that it isn’t going to happen. So, I am now faced with the task of accepting that it’s not meant to be.
How do I do that? Well, I’m not exactly sure, but one way is to continue to speak truth to myself that I am loved and that the One Who created me and to Whom I have given my life, love and trust has promised to work all things together for my good and for His glory. Romans 8:26-28 says “In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (CSB)
So, those nights when my prayers aren’t even understandable words and phrases, the Holy Spirit intercedes for me in my weakness. And that even though I do not understand why my dreams cannot be…God promises to work ALL things for my good. I cannot see the future. I do not know what it holds but I know Who holds the future (I hear the old hymn playing in my mind as I write this.) and I know He holds my hand.
So, first is mourning and then acceptance. But what kind of a life is it when you just accept and deal with what you cannot change? Honestly, in my opinion, not a great life. So what’s next?
When raising children, we call it “redirection”. When they can’t have something they want, just taking it away and slapping their hands isn’t really a very loving gesture and teaches them nothing. But when we can redirect their attention to something else, something that will take the place of what they can’t have, maybe even something BETTER, then they learn to accept and deal with it and move on. MOVE ON! That’s next. But HOW?
For an adult, especially an adult who lives by faith, it’s called renewing your mind…renewing MY mind! Romans 12 talks about renewing your mind so that we may discern what is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).
One way I have found to renew my mind is to redirect its focus. Philippians 4:6-7 say “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (CSB). So instead of dwelling on what I can’t have…i.e., my dying or dead dreams, I can pray and petition God, with thanksgiving, understanding that in doing so, I will have His peace and my heart and mind will be guarded.
Another step in this renewal process, after prayer, is what I choose to think about. For the past several days, I have mourned the loss of my dreams and those thoughts have consumed my mind. But Philippians 4:8 says “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy — dwell on these things.” (CSB)
So the next part of renewal is what I choose to dwell on. This verse says whatever is true. What is true? What is. Not what I wish was…but what IS! Other things to dwell on are things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely and commendable. I don’t know about you, but I am a list maker…and obviously a writer…and my brain deals better with information written down. I am going to take this idea of the “renewal of my mind” and what I dwell on a step further and make a list of things that fit the criteria in this verse. I might find, as you may also, that there are plenty of things in my life that I can dwell on that will be better than dwelling on what I have lost.
Proverbs 17:22 says “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (CSB). Well, I can tell you that I have certainly had a broken spirit this week and that broken spirit has presented physical symptoms: isolation, inability to concentrate, pessimism, anger, irritability, and many others. So, if the flip-side is joy…where can I find joy?
Nehemiah 8:10 says “Do not grieve, because the joy of the Lord is your strength.”(CSB). I can make the choice to leave the grieving behind…because it is grieving the death of something precious…and allow the joy of the Lord to be my strength. He is the giver of all good gifts: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” — James 1:17 (CSB)
So, what good and perfect gifts has He given to me in my life that I can dwell on rather than on what I have lost? It will be different for each of us, but for me several come to mind: first and foremost is my relationship with the God of the universe, and my precious children and grandchildren are definitely joy-bringers in my life! Writing gives me joy. My farm gives me joy: new life, life cycles, planting and bountiful harvest and even physical labor…and even if how that farm looks in the future changes…it is still a wonderful gift that I could never have even dreamed of when I was younger.
So, let’s recap: How am I going to deal with the death of my dreams? 1) allow myself to grieve, to mourn the loss; 2) accept what is; 3) renew my mind and by a) prayer and b) redirection of thoughts; and 4) find the joy.
I hope putting these thoughts down in an orderly fashion helps someone as much as it has helped me. I need reminders. It will still be a struggle. I may go back and forth between grieving and acceptance more than once. But by renewing my mind and finding the joy, I am confident that I will be able to leave the dreams in the past and embrace the joys that await!
If you are a parent, you know from experience that the good things we do for and give to our children are not always appreciated by them. Perhaps this is because their immature and inexperienced perception is short-sighted, or maybe we have just raised ungrateful children.
Take the gift of protection, for example. Now, I am not talking about the crazy kind where you lock your kids up till they are 32 years old! But, the kind where their environment, friends, activities and exposures are carefully monitored to allow them to grow happy, healthy and wise. Instead of the thwarting of rights and freedoms, protection is a gift.
From the parent’s perspective, good gifts sometimes come with a hefty price. I will use my family as an example. Due to several circumstances in my extended family and some knowledgable people God put in our lives, we began to explore and eventually pursue a more healthy way of eating. Part of that included less desserts and fewer processed foods. Also included in that change of life was the desire to raise our own food, as much as possible, thereby knowing exactly what the animals were being fed and how they were being cared for. Our desire to be “country folk” proceeded this change of life but as we educated ourselves, the two walked hand-in-hand.
Along with country life and farm animals comes chores. Now, I don’t know about you, but would any child choose the life of chores if they could choose for themselves? But, I am convinced that the hardship of living in the country and raising our own chicken, eggs, beef and milk is a good gift we have chosen to give our children. They may not realize it while they are young but I know there are many life-long benefits to this life besides better health: a healthy work ethic, fresh air and exercise, and learning to care for someone besides themselves being just a few such benefits.
The Truth of God’s Word, and specifically the words of Jesus Himself in Matthew 7:9-11 says, “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone: Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Since I know that my children don’t always see the gifts I give to them as good gifts, I wonder how many times do I have the same response to the good gifts that my heavenly Father gives to me? We can’t always see the benefit of the gift at the time but that’s where trust and faith come into play, knowing and believing that Romans 8:28 is true when it says “And we know that all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Just as we want our children to trust us, so God says that we can trust him, even if our circumstance doesn’t seem like a gift at the time.
Then there are the gifts the come along that are obvious gifts! Some examples might be a new and better job, a pay raise, healing from an illness, an answer to a specific prayer, protection from a potentially hazardous situation, and the list goes on and on. James 1:17 says “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” When these obvious gifts rain down on us, do we stop to thank the Giver of those good and perfect gifts?
So whether the gifts we receive are obvious gifts or whether they are gifts in disguise, 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says “Rejoice always“…ALWAYS! Verse 18 of the same chapter says “…give thanks in all circumstances.” Just as our children cannot always see the goodness of the gifts we give at the time we give them, so it is the same with us as believers and God’s gifts. This is a life of faith, so trusting and thanking God for the good gifts should be an act of praise and worship that we offer instead of grumbling and complaining.
I hope you have a great day and let’s remember to be thankful for the gifts that come our way today, whether they are obvious gifts or gifts in disguise.
