I’m sure you are aware that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Different people have different thoughts about this day. Some people say “It’s just another Hallmark holiday designed to get you to buy cards and candy.”, but still they participate. Other people get very serious and take the opportunity to show their significant other special love in the form of a card, flowers, candy or a dinner out. Still others feel it is just another day and allow it to pass without much fuss or fanfare. Where do your thoughts fall?
Personally, I would love to have my husband acknowledge it and make me feel special in some way, but that’s just not who he is. I normally don’t get cards for other special days, so I have learned not to expect one on this day either. Oh, yes! At first, I was hurt and disappointed, but as the years have passed, it’s just one of those things I have gotten used to. I do feel kind of jealous when my friends get flowers, candy or jewelry, etc. from their husbands, but I don’t allow myself to dwell on it.
So, what is love? In the Bible, 1 Corinthians chapter thirteen spells out some of the attributes of love: patience, kindness, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not self-seeking, not irritable, not keeping a record of wrongs, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and true love never ends. In other Bible passages, it indicates that humility, seeking peace and looking after the interests of another are also indications of love.
Through the years, I have heard other definitions: “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” (Robert A. Heinlein) And, according to the Urban Dictionary, love is “giving a person the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to.” WOW!
I have always been a person who has had high expectations and that personal characteristic has caused my heart to break many times. So, I have learned a couple of things in order to protect my heart: 1) Expect nothing, then anything is a nice surprise; and, 2) Turn it around and instead of focusing on myself, make someone else feel loved.
Other factors that can affect how we give and receive love might be “Where did you learn to love?” or “Who taught you what love is?” I grew up in a loving home with two parents who TO THIS DAY still are “in love” with each other! They will celebrate 65 years of marriage next month and it is obvious to me by how they talk to each other, how they talk about each other and how they treat each other that they are still “in love”! How precious that is!
Not only do they still love each other, they love their four kids, their four kids’ spouses, their eight grandchildren and their six (soon to be seven) great-grandchildren! Often, my mornings are blessed with a message like “Good morning, precious daughter” from my dad or “Good morning, sweetie” from my mom!
I grew up watching my mom exhibit her love to her family by DOING…cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. You know what I mean! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!! Now, as a mama and nana, I find myself showing love in some of the same ways! We definitely learn what love is and how to express it by watching those we grew up with.
However, in the same way, I have friends who didn’t grow up with this kind of demonstrative love and they have struggled to find their own way of expressing love…what it is and what it isn’t. Their love is no less genuine or heart-felt, I think they have just had to learn how to express it without the guidance of those people in their early lives.
So, what says love to you? Here are some of the things that say “love” to me, in no particular order:
- use words and tell me that you love me and that I’m important to you.;
- be kind to me, and not just on a particular day;
- be interested in my day…ask me!
- surprise me with something nice once in a while, and it doesn’t have to be big or expensive!
- be happy to see me
- look into my eyes
- be deliberate about engaging with me
- do something with me: take a walk, window shop, go get coffee, watch a movie, etc.
- miss me when you don’t see me and tell me so
- hug me
- be deliberate about spending some time with me
- give grace to me
- maybe DON’T say everything that comes into your mind
- forgive my mistakes
So, if these things feel like love to me, can I use any of these things to make someone else feel loved? Or, better yet, you know your special someone: what would say “love” to them? For some people, it’s having a day to themselves to do what they want to do. Now me? That’s not EVER what I would choose. On my special days, I want to be surrounded by those people that I love. But, you get where I am going with this. Take the focus off of yourself and focus on making someone ELSE feel special!
Take the chance to grow! Don’t wait for someone to hurt and disappoint you. Flex your “love muscles” and do something nice for someone else; help someone else feel loved and important! I guarantee you it will warm your heart as well as the recipient of your loving actions! And, it will take your mind off of what is or isn’t being done for you!
Have a great day and week and MAKE IT a Happy Valentine’s Day for yourself and someone you love!
